The Fattiest Items On Your Favorite Fast Food Menus
Fast food is my greatest weakness. When drunk, I am absolutely powerless against the incredible lure of the Big Mac. Every time I’m downtown, I drunkenly slur to my cab driver that he take me to McDonald’s before dropping my drunk ass off at my address. I then bring the food up to my bed and pass out mid-nosh.
Since I know I’m not the only one who indulges a tad too much — my most recent trip to the beach featured many dad bods akin to mine — I want to call out the worst offenders on our favorite fast food menus.
Most lists like these tend to feature promotional or items nobody really orders anyway, so I personally went through each of the following restaurant’s nutritional guides and tried my best to spot the worst three options on the menu. For you, but also for me. I made sure to choose three of the more popular items on each menu so that this article is actually useful. So let’s do this thing.
Everybody knows McDonald’s is bad for you. This isn’t news. But when you consider the three worst options, you’ll notice it’s mostly the volume of food opposed to the item itself. Do you really need 20 chicken McNuggets? A double quarter pounder? Probably not. Also, considering the likely chance that you get a combo with fries and a soda, you’re probably looking at a meal that eats up over 1,000 calories. Yikes.
1. 20 Chicken McNuggets
2. Mighty Angus
3. Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese
I still have no clue how the McDonald’s Mighty Angus contains more calories than the obnoxious Baconator, but evidently, it does. Since you probably want to know how many calories are in the infamous frosty, you can expect about 306 calories in a medium, which isn’t half bad compared to its three worst offenders.
1. ¾ Lb Triple
3. Chicken Club
With “fried chicken” in the title, nobody expects KFC to be on a dietitian’s recommended plan. But as long as you’re not ordering a large, KFC isn’t that bad for you in comparison. This was quite surprising. Like McDonald’s, you stand to save a lot of calories by opting for a medium opposed to a large.
1. Hot Wings (20-Piece)
2. Popcorn Chicken (Large)
3. Zinger Twister
Taco Bell was another place I was surprised didn’t contain many calories. But, that’s based on the items alone, and Taco Bell’s value boxes contain like 20 things each. Trouble lies in their XXL offerings, which presumptuously match the customer’s Nascar T-shirt size. If you’re looking to save calories, Taco Bell offers healthier options on their Fresco menu, which cuts these calories by more than half.
1. XXL Beef Grilled Stuft Burrito
2. XXL Steak Grilled Stuft Burrito
3. XXL Chicken Grilled Stuft Burrito
By comparison, Subway looks like a fantastic choice in fast food, but that’s been their marketing angle even pre-Jared. The following information is based on a six-inch sub on nine-grain wheat bread with lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers and onions. Because that’s the way Subway wants to disclose said information. On half a sub covered in a garden’s worth of vegetables and no sauce. Which is bullshit.
1. Chicken & Bacon Ranch Melt
2. Carved Turkey With Bacon
3. Meatball Marinara
I fucking love Burger King. But Burger King is, without a doubt, one of the worst fast food restaurants out there, nutritionally speaking. Their classic and most popular sandwich, the Whopper, also happens to be one of the worst for you (the shame!). It’s a poor choice for those who don’t want to gain any weight. Burger King is the Donald Trump of fast food.
1. Double Whopper With Cheese
2. Angry Whopper
3. Whopper With Cheese
Pizza Hut’s nutritional menu is bullshit and calculates their calories based on one slice. Who the hell eats just one slice? Nobody.
1. Meat Lover’s Pizza (Large)
2. BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger Pizza (Large)
3. Pepperoni Lover’s Pizza (Large)
Chik-fil-A. As a Canadian, I haven’t been fortunate enough to try it. I’ve heard good things. Taking a look at their nutritional information, I was surprised to find that their menu didn’t contain that many calories — at least when compared to other restaurants. For example, their eight chicken nuggets only contains 270 calories! Can somebody express ship these to me? Please?
Spicy Chicken Deluxe Sandwich
Chicken Deluxe Sandwich
Since Chipotle is entirely customizable, it’s tough to calculate a menu item. So as a bonus, I’ve included some helpful nutritional information below, no matter how fond of or repulsed by the place you happen to be.
The tortilla, a base for all burritos, is 300 calories
By opting for brown rice over white rice, you save zero calories
Fajita vegetables (an amazing and substantial filler in any burrito) only adds 20 calories
When building your burrito, don’t add sour cream or cheese. Sour cream alone contains 115 calories. Cheese, 100 calories.
Guacamole is worse than both cheese and sour cream combined, at 230 calories
Want chips and Guac? Tack on an extra Chips 800 calories.