Curing Pornhead: The Benefits of Giving Up Your Dirty Porn Habits

It takes a big head to give up porn. Pornhead, by urban definition, is someone who copious amounts of time to watching porn. With all the free porn sites available, it’s no wonder this is a growing epidemic, no thanks to adult actresses on Snapchat.

Curing Pornhead: The Benefits of Giving Up Your Dirty Porn Habits

Now, let’s consider some of the actual benefits, scientific or otherwise, for giving up your dirty porn habits. You might be surprised that giving up your pornhead lifestyle might actually improve your mack in the sack. What does that mean? You’ll just have to read and find out, because we’re not exactly sure ourselves.

More Time for Actual Sex
Curing Pornhead: The Benefits of Giving Up Your Dirty Porn Habits


Like real sex? Sold! With all the time you spend destroying your brain as a pornhead, you can actually redirect that energy toward meeting real-life girls. Rediscover the simple pleasures of sex all over again, just like losing your virginity all over again.

This may pave the way for some seriously freaky sexual fetishes, as well as a scientifically proven decrease in erectile dysfunction! If nothing else, you’ll have more time to enjoy the perks of rubbing one out that doesn’t have to end with intense hand release followed by postpartum peen depression when you have to finally let go of your johnson.

More Spank Bank Deposits
Curing Pornhead: The Benefits of Giving Up Your Dirty Porn Habits


Aside from putting some distance between you and your free porn apps, it’s time to finally enjoy an idealized pre-internet era where your memory, imagination and favorite girl-on-girl kisses in film dictate where your solo sex life goes. There’s nothing quite like using bits of real life in your “sextra-curricular” activities, just as long as it’s not in public. When it comes to the spank bank or ATM (asexual testicle machine), anything is possible, and the best part: It’s just as easy to make a withdrawal as it is to make a deposit.

Lowered Sexual Threshold
Curing Pornhead: The Benefits of Giving Up Your Dirty Porn Habits


This is a problem for pornheads, as well as people and their vibrators: building such a high threshold that simple, ordinary pleasures have little effect on the “out-cum.” (Are you sick of our sexual innuendos yet?) Getting away from porn will make you appreciate common gestures offered by your sexual partners. Otherwise, you’ll be asking her to do some things she’s not comfortable with just so you can get yours and a good night’s sleep. Just know she won’t sleep a wink after tonguing your butthole after you ate Taco Bell for the third straight day without showering after work.

Realistic Expectations of Partners


While it’s not always as easy to find a real-life girl willing to lick your backside as it is to find one on the net getting paid and filmed, getting away from porn may set some realistic boundaries for you. Sure, porn is a good way to escape and see something you wouldn’t normally see, sort of like a 3-D Michael Bay joint, but too much can become a real problem and may affect your ability to function in the real world. The same holds true for anything involving shitty Michael Bay.

Goodbye Carpal Tunnel
Curing Pornhead: The Benefits of Giving Up Your Dirty Porn Habits


You know you’re deep in the rabbit hole when your porn habits are causing injury, especially when that hole has a tunnel of carpal at the end. As a writer and single aficionado, I can tell you this: carpal tunnel is real, as well as depressing. In addition, porn tends to build a stronger climax than a regular masturbatory session, which in turn causes more intense dehydration, sleepiness, unplanned naps and, again, strained muscles. Do yourself a favor and get off the net and get a real girlfriend who will rub your junk. Your wrist(s) will thank you.

Increased Testosterone
Curing Pornhead: The Benefits of Giving Up Your Dirty Porn Habits


Studies show that getting rid of your pornhead habits can lead to increased testosterone, which leads to lovely symptoms of feeling healthier and motivated, as well as working better and exercising more efficiently. Though you may not need it, a little black coffee can help your workout, too. And studies also show you could get a deeper voice. The perks are endless!

Better Focus and Energy
Curing Pornhead: The Benefits of Giving Up Your Dirty Porn Habits


Along with increased testosterone, your focus and energy, two things you wave bye-bye to after a lengthy session in the blackhole vortex of porn, will boost. If you wonder why you’re constantly struggling to complete the most medial tasks, consider how much porn you’re tuning into. Take a few days off and see if you don’t notice a difference. If it’s working for you, make porn more of a reward for a hard day’s work. You thought we were going to make another innuendo there, didn’t you? We don’t have to; we’re giving you pornhead just reading this.

Less Sleepy, More Stimulated
Curing Pornhead: The Benefits of Giving Up Your Dirty Porn Habits


As far as lethargy goes, porn has been known to have calming perks, but if you’re already a calm and cool cucumber, porn will send you into sleep mode when you don’t want it. In addition, it makes waking up more difficult, between the dehydration and loss of all that protein. If you’re going to do it at an inopportune time, be sure to drink a lot of water afterwards to keep yourself awake, keep some coffee close-by or go for a walk to keep yourself with the world until it’s time for bed. If you do it before you sleep, drink plenty of water so you can get up and be enthusiastic about the following day.

Increased Willpower and Self-Control
Curing Pornhead: The Benefits of Giving Up Your Dirty Porn Habits


All these things included, you’ll notice the more self-control you have, the less you feel like a dirty-handed slave to your peen. Your confidence in your newfound willpower will have you the master of your own domain, bringing a great deal of excitement and motivation to move into other areas of your life. Should you give up porn as a hobby, see if you notice other unplanned areas of your life improving as well. Who knew you were so good at basketball? It’s so much easier to compete when you have two free hands at your own disposal.

Finish That Book You’ve Been Working on

With more time, confidence and willpower, you’ll have more than enough time to tackle those passion projects you’ve been putting off for so long. How about that terrible novel you have brewing in your head? Not that head, the other one. Now, take your hand off the mouse and make something of yourself, dammit!

Well, I feel as though I’ve helped some people today. Think I’ll go reward myself with some good old-fashioned pornography!