The Grossest Guinness World Records Out There

As a millennial child, I spent my required library time sifting through “The Guinness Book of World Records” in search of the grossest records available in lieu of actually learning anything. Since then, it’s only gotten weirder, thus a pseudo-adult experience of the grossest world records for people who still haven’t learned to use their time wisely. Hey, it’s better than our bathroom time wasters. You probably think we’re going to show you the longest ear hair, but this is so much worse.

Farthest Milk-Squirting Distance
The Grossest World Records to Waste Your Time to
Turkish man, Mehmet Yilmaz, shot an impressive stream of milk from his eye in 2004, as far as 279 centimeters. Usually these records involve things most people can do in some small capacity, so the question remains: How the hell is he shooting milk from his eye? (And why?)

Most Cockroaches Eaten

Retired English rat catcher, Ken Edwards, ate 36 cockroaches in one minute on the set of “The Big Breakfast.” Who needs an exterminator when you could have this crazy fella as a friend.

Most Live Rattlesnakes Held in One Mouth
The Grossest World Records to Waste Your Time to

Texas snake enthusiast, Jackie Bibby, broke his own record for most live rattlesnakes held in his mouth in 2012 by holding 13 full-grown snakes by their rattling tails for 10 seconds. You have to be passionate to beat your own record. There are records for some people with the most maggots held on their body or eaten or moved with their tongue, but that’s too gross to look at, but it is, however, a super freaky sexual fetish.

Loudest Female Belch
The Grossest World Records to Waste Your Time to

Dialed in at an explosive 104.75 dB on a certified and calibrated class 1 noise level meter, Jodie Parks of the United States set the record in Madrid, Spain, in February of 2008. The longest burp was recorded in 2012 and clocked in at 18.1 seconds. Imagine taking that out to dinner!

Largest Object Removed from a Living Human Skull
The Grossest World Records to Waste Your Time to

Michael Hill was stabbed in the head and left for dead, but instead, he walked to his friend’s to get a hand with the 8-inch survival knife embedded in his grey matter. Hill claims he didn’t feel it until he got to the hospital and felt his eyes coming out of his head. Talk about unbelievable medical miracles.

Most Spiders on a Body

Tom Buchanan, an Australian child, claimed the world record for having the most spiders on his body for 30 seconds. He had 125 Golden Orb spiders, nonpoisonous but still completely gross, on his body for a total of 55 seconds. Was he just enjoying those last 25 unnecessary seconds?

Largest Tumor Removed from a Human Body
The Grossest World Records to Waste Your Time to

Yang Jianbin, 37, had a 242-pound tumor surgically removed after it grew for 25 years. I can’t even talk about this any further.

Longest Ejaculation
The Grossest World Records to Waste Your Time to

Old faithful, Horst Schultz, was able to ejaculate over 18 feet, earning him this record.

Most Prolonged Fart
The Grossest World Records to Waste Your Time to

London is home of the world’s most prolonged fart. Bernard Clemmens managed to sustain his fart for two minutes and 42 seconds. What are the odds he had a handful of Fiery Doritos Los Tacos?

Largest Orgy
The Grossest World Records to Waste Your Time to

In 2006, a 500-person orgy was filmed in a giant warehouse, and apparently the DVD is still available. First of all, where the hell was I? And second, whatever happened to free porn sites?