Blackmail-In Ballots: Trump Halts Stimulus Talks Until After He ‘Wins’ Election, So Basically No Stimulus

Remember that episode of Seinfeld with the “Soup Nazi?” You remember him — he was the owner of a restaurant who, at the slightest indiscretion, would tell patrons “No soup for you!” Basically, if you pissed him off, even inadvertently, he would punish you.

Which brings us to our very own (fill-in-the-blank) Nazi, Donald J. Trump. He’s had a hell of a week, Trump has, so we don’t blame him for being a little grumpy. But perhaps he should have done some yoga or used some essential oils because his announcement today is, presumably, going to do a lot more harm than good — both to him and to the American people.

Yes, President Trump has announced that he is suspending any talks of Stimulus Relief (another one of those $1,200 checks that bought all of us about two weeks of no stress) until after the election. “But when I win (if you vote for me),” he infers, “then you’ll get your precious money.”

Honestly, we couldn’t make this stuff up if we tried. After showing the world just how much performance anxiety he actually has in a debate with Joe Biden (and in other areas, we’re sure) he contracted COVID-19. He spent a few days in the hospital, tried a few stupid stunts to show the world how “tough” he was (driving around the hospital he was staying at, signing his name to blank pieces of paper, etc.), and then got called out for potentially exposing dozens of his staff to the coronavirus. Humpty Dumpty is having a great fall and none of the king’s horses nor all the king’s men actually give a shit. So yeah, he’s grumpy and he’s taking it out on the American people who are, ironically, the very people he needs the approval of in order to maintain his death grip on this presidency.

It’s kinda like your parents grounding you and keeping your allowance until you tell them that they’re the greatest parents anybody could ever have. Hopefully, America will turn out to be the rebellious teenager and give Trump a collective middle finger via the voting process. We don’t know about you, but if we have to give up $1,200 bucks in order to see Trump removed from office, we’ll gladly hand it over and raise you an extra $20. Because this announcement, like the majority of his presidency, demonstrates just how truly evil Donald Trump really is. He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t care about this country. Trump just cares about his own precious ego and, unless you stroke it and tell him he’s pretty, you ain’t gonna get paid.

Whatever, dude. Keep your soup, Nazi.

Cover Photo: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

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