You Won’t Believe How Much People Are Paying For ‘Snake Massages’

Portrait of Woman with Boa Constrictor Wrapped Around Neck. Photo: Radius Images (Getty)

It’s been a weird week, especially for those living in New York. Soon after learning about a new Manhattan “nap store,” there’s now news of people in Poughkeepsie paying for “snake massages.”

According to CBS Philly,  people are paying $297 to allow boa constrictors to slide over their bodies in hopes of  “relieving stress and increasing blood flow to tight muscles.”

The snake session in Poughkeepsie, New York is guided by a self-proclaimed snake priestess who calls herself the Serpentessa.

She says for 25 years she has specialized as an inter-species facilitator who guides snakes to slither and wrap around people, like Pam Kelly.

Boa constrictors, some longer than six feet, slither all over Kelly’s body.

“They tone and stimulate the vagus nerve in our body that releases endorphins and oxytocin — the feel good hormones,” Serpentessa explained.

In case you’re not familiar with the boa constrictor, here’s what they to do to people. Yet, here’s an example of what people are doing with an animal with the ability to strangle and eat a wild pig whole.

No thanks. I wouldn’t pay to play with a snake, let alone $297 to let it crawl over my body.

I have a crazy idea. Why not pay one-third of that amount and, I don’t now, have a trained human give you a massage?

Snakes are, after all, a bit unpredictable: Texas Man Needs 26 Shots Of Antivenom After Severed Rattlesnake Head Bites Him

The full news story is below. The best part is when Miss Serpentessa is asked about the safety of the snake massage, responding, “There are no guarantees with a wild animal.”

Snake massages are supposedly more common in parts of Asia. As noted in the story above, many doctors are skeptical about the benefits of such “therapy” and say it can be potentially dangerous.

Sounds about right.

Josh Helmuth is a sports reporter in St. Louis who contributes to Mandatory.