10 People Fired Over Dick Pics
Photo: lisafx (Getty)
If you’re going to send a dick pic, do it with caution. It can net you some serious consequences, especially if you’re on the job. The following folks felt the wrath of a poorly planned sext. Do not be like them.
Nurse Snaps Photo of Patient’s Penis
In late 2014, 27-year-old nurse Kristen Johnson saw that a patient’s penis had slipped out of his hospital gown while he was unconscious. Finding this absolutely hilarious, Johnson sent the photo to her friends. Police investigated and found another picture of a woman’s anus on her phone and laptop. The Syracuse hospital she worked at pronounced her unfit to be a nurse, both mentally and ethically, and she was forced to give up her license.
Job Seeker Sends Dick Pic Along with Resume
A desperate job seeker in Dallas applied to Texas Workforce Solutions in March 2014. He perfected his resume, carefully crafted a charming note and attached a photo of his dong to the email. The employee in charge of sifting through the applications noticed the offending pic, and he immediately called the cops. Although it is not known whether this anonymous man made a deliberate choice to include his penis as an attachment, it’s safe to assume he didn’t get the job.
Subway Employee Places Flaccid Shaft on Cheese Bread
Cameron Boggs and Ian Jett were two humble sandwich artists based in Columbus, OH. They got bored at work one day and proceeded to have some trollish fun. Jett placed his wiener on a footlong bread while Boggs froze his pee in a water bottle. Once uploaded to Instagram, the mischievous pair would see their greatest artwork the following day on Huffington Post’s Weird News. Subway provided an explanation after the immensely popular story hit the web: “This isolated incident is not representative of SUBWAY Sandwich Artists. These actions are not tolerated and the franchisee took immediate action to terminate the two employees involved.”
New Hire Sends Penis Pic to HR Manager…Twice
A recent college graduate was over the moon about receiving an offer to work his dream job in Chicago. So he took a picture of his wang and sent it to his paramour. After two days, he got miffed because she hadn’t replied, so he sent another to the same number. That number was the human resources manager at the company he was just hired to work for. On August 15, 2015, this interview-slayer called the company to inquire about the next steps in the hiring process. The HR manager noticed it was the same number that had been sending her dick pics, and she called the police. They decided not to press charges, but rescinded his job offer.
White House Secret Service Agent Sends Twig and Berries to Minor
Washington, DC, is full of dark secrets, political cover-ups and mountains of dick pics. Just ask Lee Robert Moore, a White House Secret Service agent who was arrested late last year after sending his frank and beans to a 14-year-old girl. Don’t get too creeped out; that 14-year-old girl was a Delaware undercover cop. They later found that he had been engaging in such activities even while on the job at the White House. Speaking of government workers…
The Saga of Anthony’s Weiner
Ex-congressman and New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner, also known as Carlos Danger, is an aficionado of the art of the dick pic. He was caught not once but twice sending pictures of his power-hungry genitalia to up to 10 women. In 2011, Weiner, the husband of Hillary Clinton’s right-hand lady, Huma Abedin, resigned from the House of Representatives after it emerged that he had been sending wiener pics to a 21-year-old college kid in Seattle. Weiner considered it a mere obstacle in the face of political ambition, and he began preparing to take NYC by storm as one of the most progressive progressive candidates ever. (What’s more progressive than dick pics?) Unfortunately, his plan fell through when it came to light he was once again sexting a 22-year-old woman during his campaign. Suffice it to say, Hillary comforted Huma during this trying time, perhaps offering advice on how to deal with a trifling hubby.
Weiner’s sophomoric penis-centered days appear to be over. He recently began a new career outside of politics as an actor in “Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!” so things are looking up for Mr. Danger.
Airport Supervisor Accidentally Sends Dong Pic to Dozens of Employees
On June 21, 2013, project manager Gerard Robson was tasked with gathering photographic evidence of a car crash at JFK Airport. He sent a mass email to the crew, including a picture of himself “waist down, naked penis out, belly and all.” Robson sent the photo to more than 20 fellow supervisors, subordinates and Port Authority executives. He rushed throughout the office at FJC Security trying to delete his penis from computers and employee Blackberries, but it wouldn’t work. Officials revoked his license and barred him from the premises. When asked about Robson’s future, FJC spokesman Mike McKeon said, “Who knows? Maybe he’ll run for mayor.”
Captain America Arrested for Sexting 16-Year-Old
Universal Studios in Orlando is home to dreamy entertainment for youngsters who look up to fictional superheroes. One man, 29-year-old James Alton, wouldn’t live up to his Captain America act. In 2014, he noticed that a teenager uploaded a photo of them on Instagram. It was the start of a not-so-beautiful friendship. She began texting; he began sexting. The teenager’s dad found eight to 10 pictures of Alton’s genitalia on her phone, and he called the cops. Universal Studios fired Alton, and Captain America was no more.
Arizona Surgeon Snaps Photo of Patient’s Tattooed Penis
In all fairness, strip club owner Sean Dubowik had a hilarious penile tat. It said “Hot Rod.” While he was undergoing gallbladder surgery, resident surgeon Dr. Adam Hanson took a picture of his hot rod and paraded it around the hospital in 2007. Dubowik told the media he got the tattoo after he lost a bet, but Dr. Hansen would have no such justification. He was dismissed.
Japanese Broadcaster Uploads Penis Pic to Government Message Board
In July 2015, foreign journalists in Thailand belonging to a message board got a surprise. As they were waxing journalistic about journalism things on a website run by the Thai Foreign Ministry, Jin Morimoto uploaded a picture of his manhood. The bureau chief for Asahi TV explained that he meant to send it to a female friend, but instead he sent it to 150 colleagues. One person replied with a vomiting emoji, and another replied with, “May we remind you that this is for official purposes. Actions will be taken.” Morimoto quickly signed off, and he was dead in the water.