Man Sets Fire To His Apartment In Effort To Escape His Neighbors’ Sex Noises

If you’re friends with Reuben Cook, feel free to get him a set of noise-canceling headphones for Christmas this year. That way he won’t attempt to burn down the building he’s living in the next time his neighbors decide to loudly plow each other.

According to the Albuquerque Journal, that’s exactly what the 36-year-old Albuquerque man tried to do last Sunday night, telling responding police officers that he “tried to burn anything he could think of” in order to spend the night in jail away from his neighbors.

man sets fire to apartment complex to escape neighbor's sex noises
A criminal complaint filed in court earlier this week states that Cook admitted to officers that he started the fire that luckily only caused minor damage to his apartment. He said he heard people upstairs having sex and “making a lot of noise,” and he felt that by starting the fire, he would be able to go to prison and escape those annoying sounds of love.

Sadly, it appears as though nobody informed Cook that you don’t escape people having sex when you go to prison, and odds are he’s not going to care for the noise coming from those copulating sessions either.

Your dick’s on fire, dude: Woman Sets Cheating Boyfriend’s Penis On Fire Because Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned